


Dude Yes Homo

by HapaxLegomenon



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Challenge: Sports Anime Shipping Olympics | SASO 2015, Could be interpreted as under or overage drinking, Crack, Drunkenness, Excessive use of 'bro' and 'dude', M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-20
Updated: 2015-06-20
Packaged: 2018-04-05 08:21:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4172685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HapaxLegomenon/pseuds/HapaxLegomenon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Noya is drunk.  Tanaka is drunk.  What could possibly go wrong.</p><p>Edit and re-post from SASO2015 BR2; Prompt: "I saw you lying on the concrete and decided to lay next to you until you woke up so it looked like we were just taking a nap" AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dude Yes Homo

**Author's Note:**

> I, like, made myself fake-drunk writing this. Good times were had. Don't take this fic seriously, it's just incredibly goofy and meant for fun.
> 
> Edited slightly and re-posted from an entry written for the SASO15 Bonus Round 2.
> 
> Prompt: "I saw you lying on the concrete and decided to lay next to you until you woke up so it looked like we were just taking a nap" AU

Nishinoya Yuu was drunk.  He was very drunk.  But that was okay, though, because he felt amazing and he absolutely would not have a hangover tomorrow morning because he felt so amazing right now.  The sidewalk was super-awesome right now, too.  It kept swinging back and forth and wiggling like a worm and Noya made sure that he followed its every movement.  It was like a game.  A fun game.  And a difficult one.  That was one tricksy-tricky sidewalk. 

He definitely did not giggle about it but he considered manly laughter.

Then, he came across an unexpected bump in the road.  On the sidewalk.  A bump on the sidewalk.  A really, surprisingly big bump on the sidewalk, and it was in the way.  The sidewalk was changing the rules of the game – no fair.  Noya hadn’t prepared for big bumps in the sidewalk.

He stopped in front of the bump on the sidewalk.  It took a few tries, because he’d tell his feet to stop but the rest of him kept going – and it didn’t help that the sidewalk was swinging back and forth like some giant pendulum – and he had to stumble forward to catch himself a few times.  It brought him much closer to the bump than he’d meant to be, but that was alright, because the tricky sidewalk made the bump all blurry-looking and it was easier to see from up close.

Noya inspected the bump carefully.  He had to lean forward, to see it better, but then he had to stick his arms and butt out to balance properly.  Once he thought he had a good handle on the balancing thing, he retracted one arm to rub his chin in a thoughtful way.

“Mmhmm,” he told nobody, “it’s a bump.  Definitely.”

When nobody responded, Noya had to think about how to proceed.  The bump was truly a formidable obstacle.  It stretched across the entire sidewalk.  He could go around it, but then he’d have to get off the sidewalk.  That seemed like a bad idea.  He didn’t know if he’d be able to get back on the sidewalk afterwards.  It might have gone somewhere else in the time it took to navigate around the bump.  So that was a no-go.

“I could jump over it,” he thought aloud.  He backed up a step and did a small practice jump.  But that was no good – the sidewalk was moving around too much and he ended up missing the landing and falling hard on his hip.  Bad idea.

Maybe Asahi could come rescue him.  Asahi was big and tall and really tall and he could probably jump over the bump.

“Asahii _ii_ ,” he whined, waiting impatiently for Asahi to come and save him.  He waited for three whole minutes – an eternity, really – before deciding that maybe Asahi wasn’t coming.

Then, sitting on the sidewalk, he realized – maybe he didn’t _have_ to get past the bump.  Maybe he could just stay on this side of the sidewalk.  Forever.

It seemed like a good plan.

Having a nap suddenly also seemed like a very good plan.

“How soft is this bump,” he muttered to himself, and crawled on all fours to poke it tentatively.

The bump was acceptably soft.  Noya celebrated.  Then the bump rolled and grunted and Noya screeched.

“It’s alive!” he shrieked, trying to scramble away without falling off the sidewalk.

“Holy fuck what is!” the bump shouted.

“You are!”

“Oh my god!”

“Oh my god!  You’re a dude!”

“Dude!  You’re a dude too!”

“Dude!”

Noya stared openly at the Dude.  The Dude stared back, twisting his face into a terrifyingly intimidating snarl.  Except he was bald and his eyes were crossed and Noya couldn’t help it.  He giggled.

“Why are you laughing, shitty boy?  You wanna fight?!”

“Hell yeah!”

Noya tried to jump to his feet at the same time as the Dude did, but the sidewalk was back up to its tricks and he stumbled and fell against the Dude, and then they both ended up flopped on the sidewalk again.

“Dude, you’re smashed,” Noya informed him.

“I am totally not!” the Dude replied indignantly.

“I’m pretty drunk,” Noya confided.

The Dude nodded wisely.  “I am too.”

“Bro.”

“Bro.”

They lapsed into a comfortable pause, during which Noya and the Dude basked quietly in their bro-dom.  He wasn’t so bad, even if he was bald, Noya decided.

“Bro,” Noya said again, “were you sleeping on the sidewalk?”

The Dude nodded sagely.  “I was.”

“Fuckin’ right, bro.”

“Bro, I know.”

Noya was struck by a sudden realization.

“Hey.  Heeey.  You’re pretty hot.”

The Dude preened a little, flexing his arms.  Noya watched in great appreciation.

“I know, right?  No homo though.”

“No,” Noya disagreed, “dude, yes homo.”

“Yeah?  Like, how homo?”

“Bro, like, all the homo.”

“Bro.”

“Bro.”  Noya thought for a moment.  “We should totally make out.”

“Bro, yes.”

The Dude managed to get himself more upright – just a little, but he propped himself up with his arms and it made the muscles stand out and Noya liked that.  He sucked his lips together then pushed them out like a fish.  Noya scrambled over excitedly, carefully swinging one leg over the Dude’s lap to straddle suavely across his hips.  He may have overestimated a bit but he still felt pretty damn suave when he leaned over to kiss the Dude.  Until he lost his balance and slipped and mashed his face against the Dude’s chest.

“You smell good,” he mumbled into the fabric of the jacket.  “You know what?”

“What?”

“We should just have a nap instead.  And then, like, make out later.”

“Bro.  Fuckin’ awesome idea.  ‘Cept you’re heavy.  Get off.”

Noya gathered his strength and his command over his muscles.  “Rolling… thunder!” he yelled, and catapulted himself off of the Dude and onto the sidewalk.  The Dude stared at him, highly impressed, Noya thought.  Because he was awesome.

“You’re awesome, too,” he told the Dude.

“Nice.”

“Nice.”

The sidewalk wasn’t as comfortable as Noya had thought it would be.  It was hard.  Really hard.  Not nice and soft like the bump – except _the Dude was the bump_ , and the Dude was _right beside him_ –

“Rolling… thunder… again!”

Noya rolled and scooted himself up under the Dude’s arm to use him as a pillow.  Perfect.  He was exactly the right softness.  Noya told him so.  The Dude was flattered.

“Dude, how long do you wanna nap?” Noya asked his armpit.  “’Cause, like, you’re super comfy and shit but I totally wanna make out later.”

“Eye-dee-kay,” the Dude said.  “Like, an hour?”

“Kay.  Sounds good.  Wake me up or whatever.”

The Dude did wake Noya up, but it was more than an hour later – the sun was rising – and he accomplished it by pushing Noya violently away so he could roll over and puke on the grass.

“Hnnnng,” Noya said eloquently, flopping over to smush his face into the blessedly cool sidewalk and watch blearily through one eye.  He waited until the Dude was done upchucking an entire bar’s worth of half-digested tequila and nachos before saying croakily, “Still wanna make out later?”

“Bro,” he groaned.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Talk fandom to me on Twitter at [@paxlegomenon](https://twitter.com/paxlegomenon).


End file.
